1:21 p.m. - 2010-05-13
Relieved
The months dwindled by
The temperatures changed
I stayed atop those feelings
Clenching them with all my energy
Never a thought to let them go
I collapsed when they were ripped from my heart
And followed desperately for their return
My feet seem to float without their weight
My mind flutters around with ease
It's easier to breath without these feelings
But I still wait for them to come back to me

1:18 p.m. - 2010-05-13
Goodbye
I declare her dead
Her habits one with the earth
Her thoughts as ignorable as light wind
I declare her dead so she is so

12:30 a.m. - 2009-12-28
shit head
Will it ever be enough
Is it the paint in which you have painted me
Cause I imagine future imagery of the me I wish to be
Then I hear you shutting me down
With your negativity and your darken sound
You need to hate someone for your need
And though that means watching my heart bleed
You continue sometimes stronger than others
Adopting sharp tongue brothers
And letting them sway your swayed opinions
And becoming minions with your clogged ears
And your parent ranting fears
I fear I could hate you so
I fear its my time to go

11:46 a.m. - 2009-12-22
Goodbye Sir
I wonder when your eyes went cold
Or when your words became so bold
The warmth in your arms have frozen stiff
I free my love in the air but u won't catch a wiff
I extend my arms to pull you back in
Instead you go and come and go again
Your eyes just won't see me anymore
And my heart can't take it anymore
I sharpen my fangs after my heart bleeds
And shallow the fact that u are no longer needed
So I slowly turn my back to you
And watch your shoulders shrug as if u wanted me to
I pull my arms back to my side
No more invitations, ur free to ride

11:42 a.m. - 2009-12-22
Grumpy Bore
Ready for something new
Maybe a new life will do
This old frumpy sitting around
Grumpy accusations and mornings full of frowns
Just won't do any more
The door is closed so Ill make a new door
The small space of my apartment seems to follow me
No matter how open the air I can never breath
Needing relief while chemicals no longer desired
Where is the escaped without thick wires
I look to pictures of smiles and style
And promise to join them in awhile
Cause this life is too small and doesnt' fit anymore
If he starts off a bore in the end he will bore even more

3:13 p.m. - 2009-11-03
Bummore
This city without lights
It's pointless when they're are no eyes
To devour all your tries
and join u
Then i think about it hard
I have to live this life
And to live without color is to fall

2:50 p.m. - 2009-11-03
3 day getaway
Their lights have permeated the darkness of my bland
The noise shattering the silence of my sad
It's energy moving through me
Pulsing me insanely and instantaneously
Making my return to the slow dark and empty
Harder than all the times before
Making me alive with the drive of wanting more
Knowing I can't continue the same
Rubbing away all my shame so I can deal with the pain
The pain of walking though the rooms with my eyes half closed
The scent of ass in my nose
Dreaming only of those lights and that energy
Wishing I was here with me

9:56 p.m. - 2009-10-24
22
The day is arriving
It seemed to have formed in the void, undetected
I didn't realize its approach until a month away
Now Im down to a week
I never pictured this time this way
I expected more, and now my heart caves to reality
Every second more
Its in the back of my mind when they drive by
It lies on my shoulders as I sleep
It even weights on my smile
Making forward progression that much harder

9:56 p.m. - 2009-10-24
22
The day is arriving
It seemed to have formed in the void, undetected
I didn't realize its approach until a month away
Now Im down to a week
I never pictured this time this way
I expected more, and now my heart caves to reality
Every second more
Its in the back of my mind when they drive by
It lies on my shoulders as I sleep
It even weights on my smile
Making forward progression that much harder

4:38 p.m. - 2009-10-05
Windy Big Apple City
I have found the hope to push me foward
On this screen, the pictures of it pull me from the room
from my seat
Towering buildings and faces of all kinds
Will it ever be mine

4:27 p.m. - 2009-10-05
His blind eyes
It began in a summer of choas and desertion
Of blindness and complacency
I was deteriorating
But i didn't really know it
On my way to do more damage
He gave me back my change with a number to reach him
We met and clung and I gave him some of my deterioration
He accepted all
Now he accepts none
So now Im regenerating
For something new and for his soft eyes
Though he sees none
He knows me as I was
He knows the one who drinks to sleep and empty her pocketss
THe one who yells and fears and eats
He doesn't see the me before him struggling not to slip back down
The one thinking and loving
....Or did he just prefer the deterioration?

11:41 p.m. - 2009-09-27
BlaaaatBlaaaaat
Triple pop
Sirens
Replay
Lights arrive and
Loud voices crying
In the far
Speeding dark windowed cars
Figures pacing though the night
The fearful ones fight
The fearful ones fright
Now the night will never feel safe again

11:37 p.m. - 2009-09-27
Drumroll
Drumroll drumroll
Something is on the end of that sound
Something is coming on around
Fate is waiting for the sound to stop
Waiting for A reality to drop
Drumroll Drumroll
The pace changes and the length rolls on
Suspense rolls on
Drumroll Drumroll
Please reveal something

11:26 p.m. - 2009-09-27
Cracked Mirror
Revolving door though not really
Complaints are silly....and whole hearted
Full of hope, and care when I started
Now Im getting numb
Again
Now im searching for a
Friend
Trying to mold my lifestyle to the style that lifts me higher
Am I smoldering my desires
Am I living as I liar
Because I care though I claim to not
And my giggles cover my shame when my face is hot
Weakness is what weakness does
Why...because.because.because

7:33 p.m. - 2009-09-26
Samundra
My heart is filling up
With tingles, and warmth, and energy
I don't feel so alone
I have the world now that you're here with me
Of course I fear some end
Cause this is like pure extasy
Ill do absolutaley anything
To keep your warmth next to me

5:32 p.m. - 2009-09-22
Hills
I feared it being more than nothing
But never pondered it being more than nothing
I woke up early to get news of possibilities of it being something
My past never held possibilities of a future like this one
I never asked for a future like this one

12:40 a.m. - 2009-09-19
f... it all
how did i get here
what route did i wrong turn on
nothing makes sense
they say i was here all along
my exsistense flips in circles
And my mind does the same
life hasn't mattered in awhile
im now the only one to blame
does it ever get better
the rotting has entered the personal
this is a karmatic sentence
and its deep in a rugged hole
there is no one to my rescue
no one to make me feel any better
too punk to end it
even more punk to regret it

7:55 p.m. - 2009-09-17
HM
The day has left me to face the night
I spent its time on my ass
Face in the computer
Mind on repetitive Radiohead songs
Skipping work and chores
Y r we all so bored
Where is the beauty in it all?
Now time speeds past me
Reminding me of tommorows obligations
I must rest early
I must lay my head soon
I must grow balls faster and the ability to tie tight ropes

7:55 p.m. - 2009-09-17
ahhaaa
The day has left me to face the night
I spent its time on my ass
Face in the computer
Mind on repetitive Radiohead songs
Skipping work and chores
Y r we all so bored
Where is the beauty in it all?
Now time speeds past me
Reminding me of tommorows obligations
I must rest early
I must lay my head soon
I must grow balls faster and the ability to tie tight ropes

12:47 p.m. - 2009-09-15
HMM....Freedom
Freedom
What does it really mean?
Working, eating, cleaning, sleeping, connecting
Don't we NEED all these to survive
For comfort and strength
So if we NEED then that is not freedom
Freedom is to choose
Having that option
I don't want to work, or clean, or make food or shower sometimes
But I don't have the freedom not to
Is it ok not to want these thingS?
Are we here just to live a life of repetition
A life of work and time sacrfice to the god that is money
A life of doing all things that all others have to do
Is this what it really is or are we just not free beings?
I wonder

12:46 p.m. - 2009-09-15
TheseThings
Computer doing its snail thing
Music doing its moving thing
Mind doing its scattered thing
Im doing my nothing
Questions doing their unanswered things
He's doing his distant thing
She's doing that bored thing
Im doing my nothing
Stomach doing its needy thing
Heart doing its empty thing
Time doing its speedy thing
Im still doing nothing
Night doing its dark think
Wine doing its drunken thing
Mind doing its crazy thing
Im doing my nothing
My nothings
All of my nothing
Though there is always something

11:26 p.m. - 2009-09-12
Mind or matter
The noises boom on through the open window
They play off what I think and experienced... today
Its also night
Nothing seems to be going right
The ones glued there aren't there
real Security is no where
Im always scared
And he's shut his eyes on me again
No more lost, no more gin
Where am I
What am I
Y
When
I beg 2 remember though I beg to 4get
Really?
FUCK THIS SHIT!

8:11 p.m. - 2009-09-11
IT
I feel me stuck behind it
I feel it weighing down
I feel me softly struggling underneath it w out a sound
I feel my weakened state, crumbling underneath
I feel me caving in and struggling to breath
I feel my eyes half open
Im crawling through the motions
I feel myself cry out loud SCREAMING for something
Wondering
What IT is.........
What's crushing me, whats in my way
I think to pray
I think to go around it and fight today

1:54 p.m. - 2009-09-10
Mimic cats
I wonder
Are they similiar out of inspiration or imitation
Either way it annoys me to see nothing different or unique
Everytime I blink there is one just like the last
It's not art if there is no difference
If it was stolen and renamed
We are shameless these days
We are all blind and crazed

1:48 p.m. - 2009-09-10
Direct me
The wind taps lightly on my window
Reminding me that time waits for no one
I stir, wonder how to spend this time I have
I come up with nothing new
I look around the aparrtment
I wish to look to u

1:22 p.m. - 2009-09-09
Something is in the way
The enthusiasm once held for soaking up new in my sponge of a brain has been poured away as this sponge has dried like my tear soaked eyes and my pointless cries. Now the days mimic one another with the only change present in my appearance and my mood, these days im so rude as i soak for the wet to soften my sponge and strengthen my tongue. Then I look into his eyes and forget what im suppose to try.Is he in the way, did I put him there? I don't answer the question as I rub through his hair

1:12 p.m. - 2009-09-09
What a waste of summer
The days are cool and breezy, the nights even more so. Summer is over, there will be no more festivals, events, and mass of people walking around in shorts with cameras. The cold is coming and with it, the empty silence of a Baltimore night.
A cold Baltimore night where the sane or the normal, or the fearful, or the smart stay indoors when the sun tucks away. Where figures in dark clothing roam the streets. Where silence becomes my enemy.
So I acknowledge the approach of the end of summer and I have to ask myself, did I enjoy it? No. I worked, I complained, I dicked around.
Atleast I can remember all of it this time.
I did nothing of importance, of excitement, of relevance, of freedom. The summer is gone and now Im stuck with this dark season with nothing to reminsce about to alleviate the fearfilled pressures accompanied with it, nothing to rejoice about. More rroutine.
How will I break it?

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